Preventing Conflict Over Final Arrangements
When a loved one passes away, one of the very first questions that arises is: Who gets to decide what happens to their remains? Unfortunately, families often find themselves in painful disputes over this question. California law provides a framework for who has the right to control the disposition of remains, but that framework leaves room for conflict if wishes are not well documented in advance.
Under California Health and Safety Code § 7100, the right to control the disposition of remains (such as making decisions and arrangements for burial, cremation, or placement of ashes) generally follows a legal priority list. This starts with the agent named in a valid Power of Attorney for Health Care or Advance Health Care Directive. If no such document exists, the right will fall to a spouse, children, parents, or next of kin in order of relationship.
The law also allows that if someone in the priority list cannot be located within a certain time frame or is not following the stated wishes, the right may pass to the next eligible person.
A Growing Source of Disputes
At DROBNY ROSENTHAL LAW OFFICES, we have seen a significant increase in disputes over final arrangements ending up in court. A common example is when no agent has been appointed and multiple children, each with equal authority, disagree about what should be done. Conflicts also arise when instructions are unclear, or when important documents are missing or hidden. In those situations, a judge—who doesn’t know you or your family—may be forced to decide who has the legal right to control your remains. These court proceedings are not only expensive but also add stress and heartache for families already grieving.
Why Written Instructions Matter
Putting your wishes in writing does more than just appoint someone to be in charge. It also allows you to make your personal wishes clear—such as whether you want to be buried or cremated, where you want to be interred, whether you want a traditional funeral or a memorial service, or even specific cultural or religious practices you want honored. Without written instructions, family members may guess or disagree about what you “would have wanted,” which can lead to painful conflict.
Written instructions:
Ensure your remains are handled according to your values, beliefs, and traditions.
Clearly identify who has authority to make arrangements.
Minimize the risk of family disputes and costly litigation.
Save your family unnecessary emotional distress and financial burden.
Provide funeral homes and courts with clear guidance about your intentions.
Practical Steps You Can Take
Complete an Advance Health Care Directive or Disposition of Remains Directive – These documents let you designate who is in charge and give you space to record detailed instructions.
Be Specific – If you want to be buried in a particular cemetery, have your ashes scattered in a certain place, or follow particular religious customs, include those instructions in writing.
Communicate With Your Loved Ones – Let your family know your wishes and where to find your documents.
Review and Update as Needed – Life circumstances and preferences change; update your instructions so they remain current.
Final Thoughts
Making decisions about your own remains may feel uncomfortable, but doing so is one of the most thoughtful gifts you can give your family. By putting your wishes in writing now—not only naming who will be in charge, but also providing details about burial, cremation, or interment—you protect your loved ones from disputes and ensure your final arrangements reflect your true intentions.
If you’d like help preparing these important documents, our firm is here to guide you through the process with care and clarity.
This article was prepared by Anastasia B. Salmon, Shareholder at DROBNY ROSENTHAL LAW OFFICES, PC.
Very truly yours,
DROBNY ROSENTHAL LAW OFFICES, PC
/s/
MARK S. DROBNY, Founder and CEO
ANNE E. ROSENTHAL, Managing Shareholder
This testimonial or endorsement does not constitute a guarantee, warranty or prediction regarding the outcome of your legal matter.